Jokes of the day
Nigeria Joke: Terrible accident
An accident occurred today. 11 persons were injured and 12 died.
So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral.
All of the sudden, one of the injured got up and moved towards where the dead people were.
Immediately, one of the dead people whispered to him: “Bros, go back to your place; do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!”
Nigeria Joke: No Fuel
UCHE: Mommy, can I go to Chidera’s house?
MOMMY: No fuel.
UCHE: Ahn ahn! I’m using my legs.
MOMMY: If you get missing, is it not a car we are going to use to find you?
Funny GCE Exams questions
GCE MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER
Time: 2Hrs 30MINS
INSTRUCTIONS: ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS.
ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS.
You have dated a girl for 2 years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. (20 marks)
You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. (20 marks)
(For Boys) You’re dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s (a) Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones. (15marks)
(b) Use your graph to estimate your future poverty (5marks)
You are dating other peoples’ sisters yet you don’t want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. (20 marks)
You are a civil servant, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than 1,000ghc. Your daughter who is awaiting result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy both worth 2,000ghc. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. (20 marks)
(For girls) You’re a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labor, use the law of deminishing Return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. (20 marks)
You can’t give your wife 50ghc for a pot of soup, but you spend over 100ghc in bars and resturant. Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take π=3.142(20 marks)
BEST OF GOOD LUCK!
Advice from the invigilator: We are now in a new year. Please drop all your bad character.
Nigerian Police and Their Wahala
Below are some of the Troubles You Face With Policemen on The Road…
Why is your laptop bag empty, you want to steal a laptop and keep it in the bag abi? Oya, enter the motor!
Oga, this your Range Rover Sport car is fine o. Oya, use it to hit that wall there let’s see if your airbag is working. Oh! So you don’t want to use it to hit the wall abi? Oya, park!!! I say park before I break your head with my baton.
Why is your car not having A/C? You want to use heat to kill yourself. You want to commit suicide abi. Oga, park well!
The picture on your driver’s license, you carry afro (lots of hair), why do you now carry low cut? Come down now!.
Why do you have fertiliser in your boot? You are growing weed abi? Follow us to the station!
MAN: He snatched my WALLET and I was about to shout “THIEF” when three HEAVY slaps landed on my face. I didn’t see anything for thirty minutes except STARS.
POLICEMAN: Can you describe the stars?
Funny Joke: Touch and follow
I fell in love with a girl called Amanda, but don’t have the guts to ask her out. So I went to see a native doctor popularly called “Baba”.
All he demanded from me was 1-month internet data subscription money which I paid and he gave me a ring called ‘Touch and Follow’.
He said, “All I need to do is touch her with this ring and she will follow.” I was excited because that was pretty easy.
The next day, when she was passing, I created a scene just to draw her attention and touched her like it was a mistake. I was expecting her to follow me, but she didn’t, rather she moved on and was pressing her phone.
I was disappointed and went home. On getting home, I checked my phone and saw 9 notifications showing Amanda Paul is now following me on Twitter, Instagram, Keek, Badoo, Viber, sent me a friend request on Facebook, sent me a message on Whatsapp and 2go.
I called Baba immediately to inform him and he replied me, “My son, we’ve upgraded, everything is now digital! Bye to rural village, welcome to the global village. That was why I did not ask for a cock, the brain of a mosquito, a vulture’s eye and groundnut oil but one month internet data to keep me online.